Quantum Zip Ties

The zip tie that exists in all states until you observe it.

QZT-100: Standard Quantum Zip Tie (10-pack)

$47.73

Each zip tie exists in a superposition of "tied" and "untied" until directly observed. Perfect for cable management in dimensions 3 through 7. Made from entangled polymer chains sourced from ethically collapsed wave functions.

WARNING: Do not attempt to observe all 10 simultaneously. The last person who tried is now in 3 places at once and NONE of them are happy about it.

QZT-MEGA: Schrödinger's Cable Bundle

$432.00

100 quantum zip ties in a sealed box. Are they zip ties? Are they not zip ties? You won't know until you open the box, and by then it's too late. Includes a complimentary cat that may or may not be alive.

WARNING: Cat is figurative. Unless it isn't. We genuinely don't know.

QZT-ENTANGLED: Paired Zip Ties

$73.00

Two zip ties, quantum entangled. Tighten one in New York, the other tightens in Tokyo. Instantaneously. Einstein called it "spooky action at a distance." We call it "cable management."

WARNING: Not responsible for accidental strangulation across international borders.

Customer Reviews

★★★★★

"Finally got my server rack cables organized across 4 dimensions. The fifth dimension is still a mess but I blame that on Tuesday."

- DataCenter Dave, verified purchaser in this timeline
★★★★☆

"Lost one star because the zip tie was simultaneously too tight and too loose. Had to collapse the wave function manually with a pair of scissors."

- Dr. Heisenberg's IT Guy
★★★★★

"I used the entangled pair to sync my home and office cable management. My wife in the home office is confused but the cables look GREAT."

- Spooky Steve, 2 verified locations

"Opened the Schrödinger bundle. The cat was alive. It knocked all the zip ties off the desk. 1 star."

- CatLady_Quantum, verified cat owner

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Are these real zip ties?

A: They are and they aren't. We recommend not thinking about it too hard.

Q: What's the return policy?

A: You can return them to any timeline where you didn't buy them. Good luck finding one.

Q: Do they work on Tuesdays?

A: Everything is uncertain on Tuesdays. Please see tuesdayevent.com for current conditions.

Q: Why $47.73?

A: 47 and 73 are sacred numbers. If you know, you know. If you don't, the zip ties will teach you.